Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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