I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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