Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
