I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
