we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Randomize
