cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
