All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
