Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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