So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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