Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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