god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
