My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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