Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
