I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
