Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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