Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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