Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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