My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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