I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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