You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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