Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We just shotgunned beers for America
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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