I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
