so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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