Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
