you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
