Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
