I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
