I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize