I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize