It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i'm inner monologue high
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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