What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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