I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
