Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
