he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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