I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
