ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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