He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
