Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
