dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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