call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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