Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
