I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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