What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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