Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
