the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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