Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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