thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
