sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize