Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
