good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
