OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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