she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
