I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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