Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
