DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
