hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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