just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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