I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
