Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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