It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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