fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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