If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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