hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
