Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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