yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
