is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Boobs are out for the taking
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
