just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
