when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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