Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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