its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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