I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I intend to get homeless drunk
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
