Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
