she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Come share oat with me in your robe
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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