Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
