i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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