ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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