Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
