I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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