I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
