I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
