If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
