____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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