i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
