Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize