I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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