Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
