i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
