I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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